Femmephobia & Biphobia and their Connection
Is some, or a lot, of biphobia influenced by people’s femmephobia and femme-on-femme-phobia?
Scenario: Two feminine girls are making out in a bar.
Most Likely Observation: “Ugh, look at those straight girls trying to get attention.” “Ugh, fuckin bar bisexuals.” “What the fuck are those girls doing?” “Wow! Those girls are hot! I’m gonna go get one of their numbers”-male
Least Likely Observation: “What a cute couple!” “Just another couple getting down on the dance floor”
A higher percentage of straight women are femme compared to bisexuals and lesbians.
A higher percentage of bisexual women are femme compared to lesbians.
But there still are femme lesbians.
Some of the above (bisexual and lesbian) women are attracted to other femme women, while some are not.
A higher percentage of butch women are attracted to femme women than butch.
A higher percentage of femme women are attracted to butch than femme.
But there still are femme women who are attracted to femme women.
(As there are also butch women who are attracted to butch women).
So why is it that femme bisexual women and femme lesbians, particularly those who are attracted mostly, or only, to other femme women, are looked down upon? If all of these combinations exist, what is so special about femme-on-femme PDA and relationships that other queer people don’t like?
I feel as though femme-on-femme is sometimes seen as not “queer enough” in the same way that bisexual women (particularly femme) are often times not seen as being “queer enough.”
To be considered legitimately queer (or so it seems!) by the queer community as a whole, a female needs to either be “butch” or be with someone who is.
Why can’t a “femme” be with another and be taken seriously?
Femme lesbians, whose preference is another femme woman, has a dating pool that may consist mostly of bisexual women and few lesbians.
Some lesbians see bisexual women as a threat to their identity, rights, legitimacy, and movement. Bisexual women can be seen as traitors to the cause. Bisexual women can be seen as faking it for fun. Bisexual women can be seen as trying to get attention. Bisexual women can be seen as distracting people from lesbian issues. Bisexual women can be seen as profiting from “heterosexual privilege” and ignoring LG”BT” rights. Bisexual women can be seen as being closeting and denying their own lesbianism. etc. etc. etc.
So if some lesbians have no choice but to join bisexual women, due to their femme-preference, they will also be seen as a threat to the lesbian community as a whole.
Think about it:
No matter the reason for two femme women to be making out in a bar, men will always stare, drool, and think it’s their for them, even if they label the two girls lesbians or not. And the last thing people will think is that the two are in a relationship and are just enjoying themselves in the same way that a male and a female making out in a bar would. Instead, they are a spectacle.
Femme women get attention from men. Therefore, a femme lesbian kissing a femme bisexual woman is going to get attention from men. We (femme bisexual women/femme lesbians) do not ask for this attention, but because we get it, we are somehow traitors to the cause, loving the attention, just trying to make boys go crazy, and don’t give a shit about LGBT rights. Instead of looking at the men’s heterosexism and sexism that female sexuality of any kind is for meant for men, femme lesbians and femme bisexual women are seen as instigators.
Why can’t we be proud to be femme and why can’t we enjoy our femme partners? Why can’t we be seen as queer and proud to be femme bisexuals and femme lesbians and femmes who like femmes? Why would this possibly contradict the seriousness of our attractions, our relationships and our fight for LGBT rights?
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